A Writing Journey

(In response to yesterday’s call to write about the writing process, I’ve written a reflection today with the following three sentence starters: I write….I don’t write…I will keep on writing even though…)

I write because I feel I need to. When I am in the process of writing, it’s almost like the words come on their own. The action of writing is a call to my brain and my heart to release. What emerges depends on what is foremost in my thoughts. But what is surprising to me, even now, is that with a bit of time, the writing process unlocks thoughts, experiences or feelings that are often buried so much deeper in my consciousness. I love that about the writing process. It provides me time to be in the moment of my thoughts and it also allows me the creativity of using words to construct something new, something unique that is solely mine and that takes time to uncover. 

The process of using words in combination or choosing just the right (write?) word to express an idea is tremendously gratifying because it is never easy. In fact, it is extremely challenging. I also write because I see it as a lofty goal, something to be admired and something others admire. There is a public aspect to the writing process, if you choose to share the writing. It can be the most glorious feeling to know that your writing resonates with someone or touches them in a particular way. That feedback is something that sometimes drives my writing, especially if it is a letter or card or speech that I need to write where I know that it will be received by one or many.

I write because I am still learning how. I love the process of exploring words and grammar with my students. There are rules to writing and there are skills that need to be acquired to put ideas down on paper so that they are clear and they can be understood by an audience. There is also the exploration of one’s personal style or voice which makes the writing process very individual and very much an expression of identity. I long for my students to search for their writing voice.

I don’t write because I don’t dedicate time to it. (That is until this past month while participating in SOLSC.) I haven’t yet developed a writing regime, like say my workout regime. I think that I have tried to set time aside to focus on writing in the past when I have not been working, for example. This has been easier. But once I am back to work, the writing routine is sacrificed for other things. 

I don’t write sometimes because of fear of not being able to write well or express ideas that are interesting. I judge myself and my writing harshly and that prevents me from writing at all. Sometimes, I just don’t know what to write about or I am overwhelmed by all of the different ideas and just don’t know where to start. I sometimes get overwhelmed by a topic. I know that it’s important and I don’t know how to even begin to capture the story in words because I’m not sure I can do it justice with words. For example, the story of the day my father died. I did eventually write a story about that and I think I did it justice at the time but I admit that I was conscious of the fact that strangers would be listening to the story and because of that, I wonder if I held back or wasn’t as honest as I could be. 

Honesty in my writing is something I have often struggled with. The act of writing my thoughts and feelings down gives them a permanence that makes me nervous at times because I wonder if that is how I am really feeling or is it transitory. Or, have I chosen the right words to describe that thought or have I missed the mark. That makes my writing at times seem inauthentic and I struggle with that.

I will keep writing even though I don’t always make time for it and even though I struggle with being honest in my writing because it is important. It is important because it is challenging. It challenges me intellectually and emotionally. I also get some of the greatest highs when I complete something and feel that I hit the mark in terms of what I wanted to say and how it revealed itself on paper. 

I will keep writing as well because I want to become a better teacher of writing. I realize now through my experiences that expression of self is so important and students also need to be inspired to tell their stories. It need not always be with written print — there are many ways to express and communicate. I want to help students find joy in writing and in finding their voice. To do so, I need to continue my own journey of discovery and exercise my skills to play, experiment and hone what I know to get better and to become more authentically “me” in my writing. 

I also need to continue to learn from others, including students and writers I work with. I think the best way to learn is to observe others in the writing process — to help them to solve problems or overcome obstacles. The writing process is not easy. But that is the point. It is not about the end product (although it is nice to have something to show for your hard work). It is  really about the process and the struggle that inevitably ensues when you begin a project with the idea that you want to express an idea, feeling or opinion.

I will keep writing because it is important to me.  Mostly, I need to answer the call that I often have, deep inside of me, to tell that “story” in the best way I know how.